You Know What,
I’ve had a pretty twisted equation with academics, especially over the past two years. What’s been more skewed has been my interaction with Delhi University. On the whole, I’m pretty sure that I enjoy(ed) studying and when I did start studying Philosophy, which was now almost five years ago, I knew I’d made a pretty good move. For whatever reason – maybe it’s just typical of the age/stage routine – I haven’t ever really thought of getting a job, or having a ‘career’, or really just committing myself to doing one thing for the rest of my life. Maybe there are a lot of people who feel the same way I do – or maybe there aren’t.
A large aspect of this is definitely associated with the fact that I’ve been fortunate enough to play the double bass and to play jazz in Delhi with some of the best musicians Delhi has to offer. Often the most resourceful, even. Owing to the fact that it’s such a niche’ – there’s always some kind of work going around. And since there aren’t ten thousand double bassists around, I’ve managed to be financially independent for the past two to three years, living alone, being very comfortable – to the point of faking occasional bursts of affluence.
Removing that career oriented pressure and that desire for independent financial resource - I always saw Philosophy and my own study of it, as something being very, very pragmatic and very therapeutic. A lot of it, was just really good for me. If you take it seriously, just to the right extent, it really helps you re-arrange your priorities. If nothing else, it really gives you a good idea of how a lot of the constructs around you are conventional – and they’re reinforced out of repetition. I find it’s important to remember that. It really is a toolbox to fix reality with it – or atleast confront it.
Having said that, there’s no lack of pure garbage in the larger gambit of what falls under Philosophical studies. From a Historical point of view, a large chunk of it – is really just argument for the existence of God; from a contemporary point of view – it is predominantly highly (and unnecessarily) specialized technical bickering. The modern formulations of Philosophy have dissolved any real accessibility – making it impossible for people who don’t have an extensive vocabulary of philosophical ideas – to even think about approaching the subject. Basically, there’s a lot of crap out there. Just like with any art or any exercise, every so often, there’s a really good idea, or a really good work of art that cuts through and makes you rearrange yourself.
I signed up for the MA programme at Delhi University shortly after I had gotten back from Japan. I thought I had a lot of time on my hands – which I did, for about four to five months, that was, right before I started playing with Drift.
Playing with Drift, daily rehearsals and bi/tri weekly gigs became a lifestyle and norm. Attendance at the Univ. was not compulsory – and in my eyes, anything but desirable. The quality of the few lectures I did attend reminded me of classes from the sixth grade. You couldn’t believe some of the junk that was taking the form of pedagogy. In any case, I had gotten too far in to really want to drop out - and aside from the occasional inconvenience of studying for an exam, or writing an assignment during a gig break and forking up a night or two of sleep, playing jazz was coexisting with the MA with relatively little tension. Academically speaking, I enjoyed the readings and as far as pure numbers and grades go, I was doing pretty great.
A week from now, my programme will be over – insofar as I would have given my last exam. I am relieved because I can stop multitasking – but what happens beyond that, in terms of results, is pretty shaky. I have never seen a system so arbitrary. So much so, that arbitrariness is the medium and mode of operation. It just depends on what side of scale you fall. Either it favours you or it screws you.
In my third semester examinations, I wrote four papers. Three of them were rock solid and water tight – one of them, was a little shaky, but only insofar as being not well articulated. My teachers failed me in two of four papers – not marginally but devastatingly.
Students who have no idea of what they’re studying, leave alone quality and content of writing, cleared the papers – and I have no shame in admitting that they had no business of doing so.
An Indian Philosophy teacher, who I got into a bit of a verbal altercation with a few months ago – over the question of attendance (and my subsequent lack of it) lost the plot and called me the symbol of a lost generation – one whose sole concern is with money. I was, according to her, the embodiment of all yuppie Eurocentric culture. In her first internal assessment examination, before this argument, I scored 12/15. In the second one, after this little argument, I scored 5/15. I’m curious to see what she does with my exam. (Apparently she gave another girl a really hard time for leaving her hair open).
There’s a part of me that should be furious – with this teacher and with those IIIrd semester results, but I can’t really say there is. It’s not that I don’t care about the subject – I’ve really enjoyed everything that I’ve gotten to study – but it’s hard for me, to get really worked up – and to take something that is so inherently a sham – so seriously.
In the past two years, I barely attended 12 lectures – and a majority of those were taught by my own Head of Dept. from Stephens. They had nothing to do with the University.
The only real sad thing here, is that there are kids (unlike me) who really want to be in this programme, who really want to go that extra mile and do that research and be good teachers or good philosophers – but they inevitably get held back. Either because the system fails to recognize their potential – or more often than not, because they refuse to give their third rate professors’ egos the blow job needed to do well in a course.
It really just is a perpetration of mediocrity. The same notes get recycled for the same damn three hour paper, for the same teachers who will assess you on the same basis of your ability to vomit the same rubbish in same resemblance of order.
The fact that I’m doing better or atleast as well, as those kids in class who’ve been attending lectures regularly, isn’t any testament to my intellect – it’s just a blazing exposure of deficiency on part of the University and it’s faculty.
In any case, I learnt a lot – and I met some interesting people, who I’m grateful for having met. One of them is going to do a month long internship under spic macay, towards being flautist; another one is headed off to Paris to do a second MA in social/economic development – and I know they’re going to do well, because they’re great people.
I’ve already gotten more from this programme than any system can take away.
One thing is for sure though, I’m no goddamn yuppie, bitch.
